A few weeks ago I got an email letting me know it was time to renew this domain name. Do you know Heather Frick dot com. It’s heavy. There’s a lot of my heart that sits here in this little corner of the internet. I debated for awhile about whether or not I should just let it go off into cyberspace forever; these twenty-three posts of all my emotions splashed right on your screen, documenting an important time of light and dark, of pain and growth for me. I decided to save it, I paid the renewal fees, and I tried to write again.
Nothing seemed right. Maybe I had lost my touch. This past year has been full of fire, heartache, mistrust. It seems to happen again and again and I’m determined to change it. I looked back in my google drive to the five or six times I had tried to write during the past year. Small, unfinished bits of raw writing, and I decided I’m just lucky I survived it. I’m glad I have a record of it but I’m also glad I didn’t share it. Some things are better left unsaid.
I’ve had occasion to meet a lot of new people recently, people who are looking at my accomplishments, sizing me up. Inevitably, one thing is always said: “I love your email address. Do you know Heather Frick? That’s so clever.” And I smile and I tip my head, I look at them right in the eye; I channel my inner Jerry Maguire and tell them that it’s not just an email address, it’s a belief system. I tell them that it's a little bit about me, but it's mostly about you. It’s about the fact that I never understood my own value until I had spent nearly forty years in fear, and it’s about how passionate I am about pulling people out of that kind of purgatory. It makes some people panicky and uncomfortable and it lights a fire in others. It’s a litmus test of depth and receptiveness and a willingness to learn.
I don’t have the answers. I was certain I could not recover. But here I am, light streaming in and love like I never imagined. Brave enough to tip my head and explain why it’s important to know me. Brave enough to look you in the eyes and remind you that you are worth knowing. Brave enough for renewal. I still love you.